14 Dec Permission- What are you waiting for?
It’s time to talk about permission- specifically the b.s. around women waiting for someone to say, “Yes, you’re qualified and YES you deserve to do what you want to do.”
I know SO many women who are waiting to go after what they want. They’re waiting to step into their calling because they’re looking for validation and permission from SOMEONE to take that first step.
Most of us can’t help it because we don’t even see that we’re waiting for permission. All we know is that we’re waiting to feel good enough, smart enough, strong enough, thin enough, funny enough…the list goes on and on.
I used to let this mindset hold me back.
We might be waiting for an expert in our dream field to validate us or we might be waiting for our parents to give us a pat on the back. We might be waiting for so-called friends on social media to give us the “green light”. A lot of times it’s permission from an unknown source- like if we’re REALLY worth our salt, amazing people will magically discover us and high-five us.
So, why do so many of us have a “permission block?”
From the time we’re tiny, we ask for permission to do just about everything. In some ways, it kept us safe and in other ways, it permeated everything we do and created a “deer in the headlights” effect. Like, if we don’t ask for permission, we’re actually in DANGER. We might even die.
In school, especially American schools, we’re taught that failure is NOT an option. Ever. We’re taught that there’s nothing to gain from failure except the feeling that you failed. Oh and that ever-present feeling that you’re kinda dumb.
“Get it right the first time.” “Measure twice, do it once.”
We’re conditioned to be about results instead of being about the PROCESS. Girls get the double-whammy effect of:
Wait your turn.
Be a lady.
Don’t you dare get your new outfit dirty.
Speak when you’re spoken to.
Girls just aren’t as good as boys at _____________. (Fill in the blank.)
Why is the permission block so powerful?
Most people are afraid to go after what they really want; to go after something that seems off their “life track” that was set up in grade school. To do something outside of what everyone else (who supposedly knows better) said they should do.
Genius is rewarded with all kinds of doors to opportunity, but those who struggle and persevere with a C average are labeled as being lazy or not very smart. That stinks because someone who really struggles to get a concept but works their butt off to pass has an invaluable skill- GRIT. The poor genius who had everything come so easily in school is usually in for a rude awakening in the ‘real world’. In school, it was all about achievement, not grit. Coping with failure outside of school is even more brutal on some levels for them.
Doing something that doesn’t magnify their genius skills is treated like trash.
“Sofia, why are you wasting your time and your talent? You could’ve done so much! You had a full ride scholarship to MIT! What the hell are you doing running around India learning about yoga? You’re going to starve.”
Teachers, Coaches, Parents…they all have a say in what we do and how we do it. They help shape who we’ll become.
This is what makes them so WONDERFUL. It’s also what can make some of them a nightmare. We’re conditioned to give our power over to them- no matter what.
Their actions and their words take deep root in our minds and our hearts.
When people try to break the mold, it’s usually met with all kinds of negativity.
The C average student with big dreams is usually coached into something more “their pace” or even worse, the C average student is pretty much ignored.
The geniuses who seem to have things come easily to them are celebrated in many ways- which is great!- but even they wonder if they’re good enough to go after what they really want. Tons of talented people are running around with Ricky Bobby syndrome- “If you ain’t first you’re LAST!” Doing stuff they’re good at instead of doing what they love and feel called to do.
What a bunch of crap.
Let me tell you a permission block story.
This time last year, one of my clients had a big dream: Be the Premier Newborn Photographer in Wyoming. Her name is Emily, owner of Emily Robin Photography and she’s amazing. Her heart has always been for family, kids and especially babies. Her whole being comes alive when holding an infant!
She started to learn photography on her own and slowly, over the years, grew her skillset and a unique style. A small voice inside told her to GO FOR IT! Be the photographer new mamas seek out FIRST.
But, she wouldn’t fully own it.
She thought, “Other photographers have been doing this longer than I have.” or “Other photographers have better studios and equipment, so they’re the real professionals here.” or “I’m just a stay at home mom that works out of her house…”
Her work is incredible and has a magic to it…a softness and wonder…she was literally accomplishing her dream by doing these incredible sessions, yet, she rarely talked about what she did with people who didn’t know her well.
Self promotion didn’t exist. At all. She was waiting for validation and permission from some unknown source that she deemed to be better than her in the world of photography.
She didn’t even know who would give her this validation. It was just in her head…but was impacting how she approached her business. We had an in-depth conversation about her obstacles and concerns.
Once she realized that she didn’t need anyone’s permission or validation to fully step into her reality, she began to own it.
She is, in fact, the Premier Newborn Photographer in Wyoming. Her work is even showcased on the birthing floor of Sheridan Memorial Hospital!
Just a few months ago, she moved out of her home studio into a studio in downtown Sheridan. Was she scared? Of course! Did she do it anyway? YES.
The fear of having regret later in life was more powerful than her fear of failure.
The only person who has the power to give her permission now is herself.
Adapt and conquer…
Ready to set fire to your permission blocks?
Are you waiting for permission to go after something? Are you afraid of rejection and failure? Welcome to the club. You’re in great company.
In 2019, I’m going to talk a lot about taking control of your mind and your reality.
It totally ties in with marketing because you can’t market yourself or your business when your mindset is filled with negativity and doubt.
Want to learn more about getting a mindset that can overcome permission blocks? Ready to give your dream a real chance?
Click here to learn more about what I do to help people just like you.
Feeling all jittery and just can’t wait? I totally get it. Download this Three Steps to Setting Fire to Your Permission Blocks PDF to start your journey and send me an email or comment below! Let me know the type of permission block you’re facing right now.